I love baseball. I have loved the game since I was six years old, and baseball was the first sport that I was allowed to play. Back then, T-ball and coach pitch had not been invented, so we played baseball just like the big boys. Some of my earliest memories revolve around baseball. To this day, I can still remember my first real hit and how the ball shot off my bat into left field. I think the movie Sandlot is loosely based on my childhood, because that was how we spent our summers. From sun up to sun down, we played baseball.
When Shane was home for spring break from college, we found some spare time to play catch in the backyard. We have not been able to play catch for a long time. I found that I still love the feel of the glove on my hand, the way the laces of the ball feel as they roll off of my finger tips, and how the ball feels as it pops the glove. I love the smell of the leather and the sound the ball makes when it lands squarely in the pocket of the glove. A game of catch can bring back some good memories.
In the early 1990's, John Fogerty released the song Centerfield. This is one of the greatest baseball songs of all time. The lyrics, "Put me in, Coach, I'm ready to play today" remind me of my more youthful days. That is how I approached every game, even the ones in the T-shirt league. I was ready to play when I got there. My coaches never had to ask if I was ready to play.
To me, fighting cancer is like the game of baseball; I have to get up every morning ready to play. There are no off days. Even in the clinics and doctors' offices, I have to be ready. I am constantly meeting hurting people with and without cancer, and I have to be ready to tell my story and the hope that I have in Jesus. Maybe, just maybe, cancer is the way God has of putting me in the game.
Just think how different life could be if we Christians would love hurting people more often. Could we make a difference if, every morning, we woke up and said, "Put me in coach, I'm ready to play today?"
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Armor Fitting
We all know the story about David and Goliath. It is the story that inspires us to go out, not be afraid to take on the big guy, and not shy away from our biggest problems. However, there is a part of the story that gets skipped over that has helped me bring my fight against cancer into a new light.
After Goliath has once again challenged the Israelites to send out their best warrior to fight him and David hears him, he goes to King Saul's tent to tell the king that he will fight Goliath. King Saul sees David standing there in his shepherding clothes and decides to give David his armor. Once the armor is placed on him, David tries to walk and realizes that the armor is not fitted for him, and he is unable to even walk. David decides that the best battle plan is to fight Goliath with his slingshot, five smooth stones, and his faith.
King Saul's armor would never have worked for David, and he would have failed, if he tried to use it.
In rereading this story, I can see that God has uniquely fitted me with armor for my battle against cancer. The past few weeks, I have received multiple comments about my attitude and how I am choosing to go through this battle. My only response is that that is just the way I am. I don't know any other way to do it. Trying to fight this cancer the way someone else has fought their cancer just will not work for me. My trying to fight cancer the way someone else has would be like David trying to wear Saul's armor. I just would not be able to walk this road.
How many times have we heard inspirational stories from people and then gone out on the mission we think God has for us, only to fail? We can gain inspiration from other people, but we cannot put on their faith or armor to fight our battles. Their armor is not fitted for us. God knows the plans He has for us and the battles that we will face; He will fit each of us for those battles with the armor that He knows we will need.
After Goliath has once again challenged the Israelites to send out their best warrior to fight him and David hears him, he goes to King Saul's tent to tell the king that he will fight Goliath. King Saul sees David standing there in his shepherding clothes and decides to give David his armor. Once the armor is placed on him, David tries to walk and realizes that the armor is not fitted for him, and he is unable to even walk. David decides that the best battle plan is to fight Goliath with his slingshot, five smooth stones, and his faith.
King Saul's armor would never have worked for David, and he would have failed, if he tried to use it.
In rereading this story, I can see that God has uniquely fitted me with armor for my battle against cancer. The past few weeks, I have received multiple comments about my attitude and how I am choosing to go through this battle. My only response is that that is just the way I am. I don't know any other way to do it. Trying to fight this cancer the way someone else has fought their cancer just will not work for me. My trying to fight cancer the way someone else has would be like David trying to wear Saul's armor. I just would not be able to walk this road.
How many times have we heard inspirational stories from people and then gone out on the mission we think God has for us, only to fail? We can gain inspiration from other people, but we cannot put on their faith or armor to fight our battles. Their armor is not fitted for us. God knows the plans He has for us and the battles that we will face; He will fit each of us for those battles with the armor that He knows we will need.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Grapefruit
I really don't remember when I first began enjoying grapefruit for breakfast. I have an early childhood memory, perhaps early grade-school age, of seeing my dad eating grapefruit one Sunday morning at breakfast. I tried a piece and liked it. From then on, for Sunday morning breakfast, my dad and I would share a grapefruit. The rest is history, and I have continued to enjoy grapefruit at breakfast.
Why the sudden memory of grapefruit? Well, for the past twenty-two months, I have not been allowed to eat grapefruit because of the cancer medicine. This is one of the weird things about grapefruit. For some reason, it can affect the way the medicine is metabolized in the body. The day after beginning taking the medicine, we went down to the breakfast buffet, and there they were: grapefruit halves. I was really tempted, but turned my back and have not really thought about eating a grapefruit for these last twenty-two months. That is, until last week.
Once we knew the medicine was no longer working and started making preparations to begin the new clinical trial, I was taken off all of the cancer medicine to begin a clean out for seven to ten days. I have to do this before I can start the new medicine. Given the opportunity, I decided that I wanted grapefruit for breakfast, and for the past few days, grapefruit has been restored to my breakfast. I have already been told that once I begin the new medicine that grapefruit will, once again, be off the menu. So, I have to enjoy it while I can.
In an odd kind of way, these past few days, I have gotten just a small part of my pre-cancer life back. Even though, right now, we know that the cancer has returned, I still believe that in time, just like the grapefruit, God is going to restore the years that the cancer has taken.
Why the sudden memory of grapefruit? Well, for the past twenty-two months, I have not been allowed to eat grapefruit because of the cancer medicine. This is one of the weird things about grapefruit. For some reason, it can affect the way the medicine is metabolized in the body. The day after beginning taking the medicine, we went down to the breakfast buffet, and there they were: grapefruit halves. I was really tempted, but turned my back and have not really thought about eating a grapefruit for these last twenty-two months. That is, until last week.
Once we knew the medicine was no longer working and started making preparations to begin the new clinical trial, I was taken off all of the cancer medicine to begin a clean out for seven to ten days. I have to do this before I can start the new medicine. Given the opportunity, I decided that I wanted grapefruit for breakfast, and for the past few days, grapefruit has been restored to my breakfast. I have already been told that once I begin the new medicine that grapefruit will, once again, be off the menu. So, I have to enjoy it while I can.
In an odd kind of way, these past few days, I have gotten just a small part of my pre-cancer life back. Even though, right now, we know that the cancer has returned, I still believe that in time, just like the grapefruit, God is going to restore the years that the cancer has taken.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Mountain Tops and Valleys
On my journey to beat lung cancer, I have learned that not only are there bends in the roads, but also ups and downs. I have taken to calling the "ups" mountain tops and the "downs" are the valleys.
Mountain tops are the good days. Those are the days when you can see what you have and focus on that, instead of what you need. Mountain tops are addictive, and I fight like crazy to get to them and fight even harder to stay. The past two years, I have been able to enjoy more mountain tops than valleys. There is no way to go from mountain top to mountain top without passing through a valley. I have forgotten just how fast, rocky, and treacherous the descent into a valley can be.
Now here I am again in a valley. New spots on my lung and in the hospital with pneumonia. Hitting the bottom hurt, and from where I sit, all I can see are shear, jagged cliffs. I don't see an easy path to begin climbing back to the mountain top. I know that, eventually, I will get up, dust myself off, and start walking the road that is in front of me. I know one of two things will happen: I will either find the path back to the top, or I will find the rich lush part of the valley where the river that brings living water and nourishes the valley flows. There, too, I will be nourished and grow.
I am beginning to believe that God does not intend for me to climb my way out of every valley. Sometimes the best way is to learn to grow my way out of the valley.
Mountain tops are the good days. Those are the days when you can see what you have and focus on that, instead of what you need. Mountain tops are addictive, and I fight like crazy to get to them and fight even harder to stay. The past two years, I have been able to enjoy more mountain tops than valleys. There is no way to go from mountain top to mountain top without passing through a valley. I have forgotten just how fast, rocky, and treacherous the descent into a valley can be.
Now here I am again in a valley. New spots on my lung and in the hospital with pneumonia. Hitting the bottom hurt, and from where I sit, all I can see are shear, jagged cliffs. I don't see an easy path to begin climbing back to the mountain top. I know that, eventually, I will get up, dust myself off, and start walking the road that is in front of me. I know one of two things will happen: I will either find the path back to the top, or I will find the rich lush part of the valley where the river that brings living water and nourishes the valley flows. There, too, I will be nourished and grow.
I am beginning to believe that God does not intend for me to climb my way out of every valley. Sometimes the best way is to learn to grow my way out of the valley.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Picking Up Bread Crumbs
At my last visit to MD Anderson, we learned that my CT scan showed a suspicious spot on my right lung that is indicative of a new tumor. The doctors are unsure at this point if it is cancer but felt that the best approach would be to have a PET scan at my next appointment to determine if it is indeed cancer again. If the spot is determined to be cancer, that will mean that the cancer has found a way around the inhibitor drug that I have been taking for the past twenty-two months.
We were told from the beginning that there were no assurances of how long the medicine would work. But I have done my best to push those thoughts out of my mind. Beating lung cancer once is hard enough; beating it twice would just be harder. When you are fighting cancer, you just think about today and not what you may have to face tomorrow. However, now I have to begin thinking about what may lie ahead: Is there another bend in the road in this journey to beat cancer?
In trying to look ahead, I have been looking more backward than forward. I keep replaying these past two and a half years over in my mind. They have been nothing short of an incredible miracle. I have taken the medicine for twice as long as the average patient in any of the trials. I have done things that have the doctors shaking their heads and saying things like, "you are not typical."
As good as all of that is, there is part of me that feels like I have missed something. I am beginning to feel like the disciples must have felt in John chapter 6. Jesus had just performed an incredible miracle by feeding over 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two small fish. Once everyone was fed and satisfied, Jesus told the disciples to go pick up the leftovers. He told them to let nothing go to waste. I don't think Jesus was only talking about the food. I think Jesus wanted them to see with just how much abundance He had met their needs. He wanted them to believe that they could depend on Him for their very basic needs.
So, as I have been going back through these past two and a half years picking up the bread crumbs, there is one thing that I am seeing consistently. Jesus has been far ahead of us the whole time. He has known from the beginning what was to come and laid the stones that we would walk on. He already knows what the results of the PET scan will be and is already preparing the path we will take.
We were told from the beginning that there were no assurances of how long the medicine would work. But I have done my best to push those thoughts out of my mind. Beating lung cancer once is hard enough; beating it twice would just be harder. When you are fighting cancer, you just think about today and not what you may have to face tomorrow. However, now I have to begin thinking about what may lie ahead: Is there another bend in the road in this journey to beat cancer?
In trying to look ahead, I have been looking more backward than forward. I keep replaying these past two and a half years over in my mind. They have been nothing short of an incredible miracle. I have taken the medicine for twice as long as the average patient in any of the trials. I have done things that have the doctors shaking their heads and saying things like, "you are not typical."
As good as all of that is, there is part of me that feels like I have missed something. I am beginning to feel like the disciples must have felt in John chapter 6. Jesus had just performed an incredible miracle by feeding over 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two small fish. Once everyone was fed and satisfied, Jesus told the disciples to go pick up the leftovers. He told them to let nothing go to waste. I don't think Jesus was only talking about the food. I think Jesus wanted them to see with just how much abundance He had met their needs. He wanted them to believe that they could depend on Him for their very basic needs.
So, as I have been going back through these past two and a half years picking up the bread crumbs, there is one thing that I am seeing consistently. Jesus has been far ahead of us the whole time. He has known from the beginning what was to come and laid the stones that we would walk on. He already knows what the results of the PET scan will be and is already preparing the path we will take.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The Election
Today, I am going to dive into something totally different for this blog: politics. As a Stage IV lung cancer survivor with a rare mutation that does not respond well to standard chemotherapies and whose healthcare, available treatments, and life may very well depend on the decisions made by our elected leadership, I feel I am entitled to state my beliefs, and I will probably offend many people by the time I am done.
If you have read much of my blog, you should know that I believe the Bible from the Table of Contents all the way to the maps section. I am not the kind of person who can partition his beliefs and only hold them when it fits my purposes. My beliefs are the foundation that my life is built on and the mortar that holds my life together.
In the New Testament, we are taught that God raises up and brings down leaders. They are placed in their positions by God, and I guess you could say that they are divinely appointed. God is not surprised by who wins and loses elections. He has appointed these leaders for this time and place. We may not be happy with it, but we need to accept that this is God's plan, and He continues to be in control. We are to pray for our leaders and that they will do God's will in leading our country.
Now, I also enjoy the Old Testament. There are some great truths to be learned there and many a lesson can be learned from the Israelites and their relationship with God. Throughout the Old Testament, God instructed them how to live and worship Him. As long as they sought and honored God, their nation thrived, and they were prosperous as a nation and as individuals. However, they just never seemed to be able to pass those beliefs from generation to generation. When a new generation would turn its back on God and begin to chase other idols and worship other gods, God would divinely send some method of discipline. Often times, the discipline would come by way of a conquering king or sometimes even a misguided king from within. Often times these kings would enslave the people or oppress them with excessive taxes. This would continue until a prophet or new king would re-introduce the people to the ways of God. Even though God appointed all of the leaders, it was never all good leadership but always for the Israelites' eventual benefit. God never stopped loving them and guiding them. It was up to them to decide when to follow him.
I am going to leave it up to you to draw your own conclusions about where we are as a nation.
If you have read much of my blog, you should know that I believe the Bible from the Table of Contents all the way to the maps section. I am not the kind of person who can partition his beliefs and only hold them when it fits my purposes. My beliefs are the foundation that my life is built on and the mortar that holds my life together.
In the New Testament, we are taught that God raises up and brings down leaders. They are placed in their positions by God, and I guess you could say that they are divinely appointed. God is not surprised by who wins and loses elections. He has appointed these leaders for this time and place. We may not be happy with it, but we need to accept that this is God's plan, and He continues to be in control. We are to pray for our leaders and that they will do God's will in leading our country.
Now, I also enjoy the Old Testament. There are some great truths to be learned there and many a lesson can be learned from the Israelites and their relationship with God. Throughout the Old Testament, God instructed them how to live and worship Him. As long as they sought and honored God, their nation thrived, and they were prosperous as a nation and as individuals. However, they just never seemed to be able to pass those beliefs from generation to generation. When a new generation would turn its back on God and begin to chase other idols and worship other gods, God would divinely send some method of discipline. Often times, the discipline would come by way of a conquering king or sometimes even a misguided king from within. Often times these kings would enslave the people or oppress them with excessive taxes. This would continue until a prophet or new king would re-introduce the people to the ways of God. Even though God appointed all of the leaders, it was never all good leadership but always for the Israelites' eventual benefit. God never stopped loving them and guiding them. It was up to them to decide when to follow him.
I am going to leave it up to you to draw your own conclusions about where we are as a nation.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Deep Roots
There I was, spending another early Sunday morning in the living room. I had been awake for several hours, tossing and turning in bed before finally giving up. Just three days before, I had learned that my work group was being disbanded and that I needed to find a new job. I had been running the what-ifs through my head, trying to figure out where money could come from in the event I could not find another job. Just how many hits am I expected to take?
After eating breakfast, I turned on Dr. David Jeremiah to watch his message. Wouldn't you know it, his message was about deepening our faith. I could swear that this man is following me. During his message, he told a story about two farmers who lived on separate sides of a mountain. This mountain was known for the bad storms that swept over it. Both farmers had decided to plant new crops of trees. The older farmer planted his and then pretty much left nature to take its course on them. The younger farmer on the other side of the mountain planted his trees and watered them regularly. He then carefully built berms around each tree to hold the water. He even told the older farmer that he should be taking better care of his trees. The older farmer would just nod and say they would be okay. The younger farmer's trees grew and bloomed. The older farmer's trees looked like they were just getting by. Then one night the storm that the mountain was known for hit. The rains poured and the wind blew. The next morning, the younger farmer's trees were all down, their shallow roots exposed. The older farmer's trees were still standing. The younger farmer's trees had become dependent on the shallow water that he had been delivering to them. The older farmer's trees had been forced to grow their roots deeper to find water, enabling them to withstand the storms. What had appeared to be indifference by the farmer had made them stronger and prepared for the storm he knew was coming.
I think in that one story we can see two paths in the Christian life. There are those who believe and teach that once you become a Christian, all will be well. Jesus will come by and feed and water you. It will just be an easy life. The other path is that the Christian life is not a simple life. It can be hard, and in it can be found pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, for those who think the road will be easy, when the storm hits, they are toppled and their roots are exposed. They have never grown the deep roots needed to survive the storm.
Jesus has never promised that the road would be easy, just that He would be there with us. I think that Jesus uses the trials that enter our lives to encourage us to grow deeper roots. Jesus knows the storms that will enter our lives and uses each to make our roots go deeper to find the living water that only He can give.
I used to think that Jesus used the first fifty years of my life to prepare me to fight cancer. That may very well be the case, but now I believe that He used these last two years of my life to grow the deeper roots I need to weather this latest storm. After witnessing all that Jesus has done these past two years, I believe that He can get me through this storm as well.
After eating breakfast, I turned on Dr. David Jeremiah to watch his message. Wouldn't you know it, his message was about deepening our faith. I could swear that this man is following me. During his message, he told a story about two farmers who lived on separate sides of a mountain. This mountain was known for the bad storms that swept over it. Both farmers had decided to plant new crops of trees. The older farmer planted his and then pretty much left nature to take its course on them. The younger farmer on the other side of the mountain planted his trees and watered them regularly. He then carefully built berms around each tree to hold the water. He even told the older farmer that he should be taking better care of his trees. The older farmer would just nod and say they would be okay. The younger farmer's trees grew and bloomed. The older farmer's trees looked like they were just getting by. Then one night the storm that the mountain was known for hit. The rains poured and the wind blew. The next morning, the younger farmer's trees were all down, their shallow roots exposed. The older farmer's trees were still standing. The younger farmer's trees had become dependent on the shallow water that he had been delivering to them. The older farmer's trees had been forced to grow their roots deeper to find water, enabling them to withstand the storms. What had appeared to be indifference by the farmer had made them stronger and prepared for the storm he knew was coming.
I think in that one story we can see two paths in the Christian life. There are those who believe and teach that once you become a Christian, all will be well. Jesus will come by and feed and water you. It will just be an easy life. The other path is that the Christian life is not a simple life. It can be hard, and in it can be found pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, for those who think the road will be easy, when the storm hits, they are toppled and their roots are exposed. They have never grown the deep roots needed to survive the storm.
Jesus has never promised that the road would be easy, just that He would be there with us. I think that Jesus uses the trials that enter our lives to encourage us to grow deeper roots. Jesus knows the storms that will enter our lives and uses each to make our roots go deeper to find the living water that only He can give.
I used to think that Jesus used the first fifty years of my life to prepare me to fight cancer. That may very well be the case, but now I believe that He used these last two years of my life to grow the deeper roots I need to weather this latest storm. After witnessing all that Jesus has done these past two years, I believe that He can get me through this storm as well.
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