Sunday, July 6, 2014

Thirty Years

Thirty years ago I stood at the front of a church and looked down the center aisle to see the love of my life slowly walking toward me. We had stuck with tradition, and this was the first time I had seen her that day and the first time I had seen her in her wedding gown. On that day we promised that we would love, honor, and cherish each other for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health. In the last thirty years, we have pretty well covered those bases.

We had only been married two months when DeLayne was laid off from her job. There we were with my tuition bills to pay and half our income was gone. That did not last long, because DeLayne is very talented as a Certified Professional Secretary, and she was able to find another job quickly. At the time, I still had at least one more semester left in college and maybe more, depending on how many hours I would be able to take my last semester. Because of the money in our savings, I was able to quit my job and take all of my remaining classes in that last semester. I had an engineering job offer locked down before graduation, and we were on our way.

Just one month after graduation, we packed everything up and moved to Midland, Texas, for my first real job. We joke now about how that is one of the decisions that made our marriage stronger. Moving twelve hours from our families meant we had only ourselves to depend on. There was not going to be any "going home to our parents." Since we left all of our friends and family behind, it made us two introverts meet new people and make new friends. The friends that we made during those years are ones we still stay in touch with. Five years and one baby later, we packed up and moved again.

We made our second home in Sherman, Texas. Just seven months after moving, baby number two arrived. DeLayne delivered Shane just like she had Chad--no pain killers. It was at the hospital that I heard the best description ever of DeLayne. I came out of her room and bumped into the doctor who had just delivered Shane. As we walked to the nursery, he looked at me and said, "That DeLayne is as tough as an old worn boot." The years we spent in Sherman were good years with me being promoted, earning an MBA, and with that extra security, we decided that the time was right for DeLayne to leave her job and start her own secretarial business based out of our home. Having her own business allowed DeLayne to keep her own schedule and be there when the boys got out of school. My job was going well, and I was soon offered a job in Dallas. So, we packed everything up and moved to McKinney.

My new job required that I travel to Asia twice a year. DeLayne was busy starting her business in McKinney but was still able to take up the slack created when one parent was missing. A few years after moving, DeLayne began having a minor medical problem. After being sent from one specialist to another with no diagnosis, one doctor ordered a CT scan, and the report came back that there were spots in her liver. We were finally referred to a liver specialist at Baylor Dallas. I remember sitting in the waiting room looking at people who were obviously ill and wondering, "Is this what our future looks like? And if it was, how was I going to be able to handle it?" When we saw the doctor, he just looked at DeLayne and said, "You have cysts in your liver; no big deal, lots of people have them. Go enjoy your life." Relieved, we left the doctor's office, but little did we know, we had just seen a glimpse of our future.

From there life just went on. Both boys were busy in school and sports. DeLayne's business was going well, and my work and coaching the boys kept me busy. Before we knew it, Chad and Shane had graduated high school and were in college. Just like that, we had been married twenty-five years. Our lives were going just the way they were supposed to. We were looking forward to spending time together and to eventually retiring. And then, I started to cough. We started spending more time together, but not the way we had planned.

The first twenty-five years were preparation for what was to come. I knew life had just taken a drastic turn, and I was not sure how I was going to deal with it. Actually, I ended up with the easier part. DeLayne deserves better than the deal she has gotten. Being the caregiver to a cancer patient is much harder than being the cancer patient. All I have to do is lay there and be sick. DeLayne deals with keeping the schedule straight, keeping up with the never-ending insurance paperwork and my medical records, and then she has to watch this mess. One thing most people don't know is that it is very easy for a cancer patient to become overwhelmed. There are days when I just want to shut down. Situations that would have not been a big deal before I got sick now can just frustrate the bajeebers out of me. I can usually do a good job keeping it together around other people, but DeLayne has to live with me and see the ugly side of what cancer has done to me. She sees me when I have had enough and the lid blows off in frustration. And she'll just give me a hug. I am so thankful that she is keeping the vow that she made to me thirty years ago and that she is as tough as an old worn boot.