Hope - Part 1

First,  my apologies if you have been checking to see anything new just to find the same old thing.  After learning that the Tarceva did not work, I needed a break.  I had grown wary of building my hopes up just  to see them dashed on the cold, hard rocks of reality.  Each time I would rebuild just to find that there were pieces missing.  I awoke one morning with the idea in my head that if I was looking for hope, I should start with the Bible.  I decided to look up each verse with the word hope, write it in my notebook, and then write my feelings and thoughts about each verse.  Just in case you are interested, in my NASB translation there are 31 verses in 21 different books of the Bible.  What follows are some of those verses with what I wrote. 

Job 17:15 Where now is my hope?  And who regards my hope?

I know just how Job feels.  I feel like all of the hope I had when this started is being slowly drained away from me.  I need something to plug the hole.

Psalm 9:18 For the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted perish forever.

I think at this point I would consider myself one of the needy.  I need some good news; healing would be great.  I feel like I have been forgotten.  Is God hearing me?

I would also say that I am afflicted.  My hope will not perish forever.  I just pray that God sends a lifeline soon.

Psalm 39:7 And now, Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in you.

The bottom line is that I am losing faith in the doctors and medicine.  Why am I the guy that things don't work for?  I have to put my hope in the Lord to provide the healing.

Psalm 71:5 For you are my hope; O Lord God, you are my confidence from my youth.

When I look back through my life, it is easy to see where God worked on my behalf.  Is He working today?  Is He trying to bring me to the point where I recognize He is all the hope I have?

Proverbs 19:18  Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.

Is God disciplining me?  Part of the word discipline is disciple.  In all of this frustration and disappointment, is God trying to teach me something?   I must be a slow learner.  I wish He would hurry and finish the lesson or at least let me peek at the lesson plan.

He does not desire my death.  God's desire is for me to be completely healed.  I guess the healing will come after the lesson is complete.

Jeremiah 17:13  O Lord, the hope of Israel, all who forsake you will be put to shame.  Because they have forsaken the fountain of living water, even the Lord.

Could it be that there is someone watching me that has turned away from the Lord?  Will He eventually use my healing to draw them back?  I need to find this person and give them a hug.

The Lord is the fountain of living water.  I need a long, cool drink!

Well, there are the first few verses.  I will admit to having more questions than answers, but I have faith that God will answer them in His timing as we continue our journey down this road called cancer.

Thanks once again for all of your prayers for healing, encouragement and support. 

Love you all!