I am learning what I guess every cancer patient has to learn to deal with; the never ending questions. There are questions from doctors, nurses, friends and family. The worst ones are the questions from yourself. These are the ones that can keep you awake at night and defeat the Tylenol-PM. So, in the interest of a better night's sleep, I'll try and deal with a few of them here.
Why me?
According to the doctor, I am just one of that small fraction of people who have zero risk factors and still get cancer. With my dad having three different cancers and my sister being a breast cancer survivor, maybe it's genetic. For all of the people who think I am a little off, now you know. I might be genetically modified.
In all seriousness, the question just might as well be; why not me? I don't think there is anything so special about me that should guarantee I would not get cancer. I might as well have this as anyone else and as of yet, God has not chosen to show me His complete plan. I will take this one day, one step at a time.
Although I accept that there is not an answer to this question and I try not to dwell on it, I will confess that Sunday evening I did have a real moment. DeLayne, Shane and I decided to run out and get a sandwich. As we walked up to the restaurant, I noticed a guy who had to be 50 to 100 pounds over weight and smoking a cigarette. The thought popped into my head "and I'm the guy with lung cancer."
Should I be mad at God?
No, I don't think so. If I should be mad at anybody, I would go with Adam and Eve. God placed Adam and Eve in the perfect world. Unfortunately, he gave them free will and they messed it up. As a result, there are bad things in this world. Thankfully, God gave His one and only Son as a way to redemption and eternal life for the rest of us. I can't imagine going through this mess without the knowledge that eventually my home is in heaven.
Will I be healed?
I sincerely believe that I will be. Some of you may think I am totally off of my rocker with this one but this really did happen. It was the Sunday after getting the CT results that identified two tumors in my right lung. Shane and I had walked into the sanctuary at church and sat down. I was looking through the order of service and got down to the day's message title: Healed of a Lengthy Affliction. Out of no where I heard a voice say "It will be a long, hard battle but you will be healed." It was not a loud, booming voice but I guess that I would call it that still, small voice we all want to hear. Imagine my surprise today when the pulmonologist said to me "Bottom line is that you have lung cancer. You are in for a long, hard battle."
Coincidence? I don't think so.
That's all I have for today. Sorry that I did get a bit preachy but hey, it's my blog.
Thanks again to all of my friends and family for the prayers, love and support. Now, let's go beat this!
Oh, Chris! So much of this is the same thoughts and feelings that I had. Although scared I never thought that I would not be healed. I know that only God got me through all of my treatments with minimal side effects. I beat it and you will too. Love you.
ReplyDeleteAs I remember the man, the husband, and the father that I was blessed to meet, there is no battle that he could not win!!! We are with you so many miles away.
ReplyDeleteJackie Van Wey
I've not met you Chris, just your two wonderful sons. I will be following your blog and praying for you all the way along this journey, believing for God to bring you through.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your candor so much, and your demonstration that one can be a person of faith in the One True and Living God and still have questions, ask them and retain that faith.
May God pour out His grace on you every step of the way.
Patty Carroll, Devin's Mom
Hey Chris, Becki and Ron White here. I remember you, your brothers and Chuck playing out in the fied behind our house. And then there were all those post office picnics. I've a picture of us, you and your siblings at one picnic. We too believe you will be healed. Chuck was and has no recurrence of Leukemia after 5 years. We are enternally grateful to God for the blessings we have experienced through intercessional prayer of those who know us and those who don't. The prayers will surround you and give you peace as you journey to fight this disease. It has been 6 long years now since we were given the diagnosis and we were given no hope. Ron sure fooled the doctors, he never has doubted the healing power of God through prayer. We could not travel this journey without keeping God at our side. We feel his presence lifting us up on the bad days and celebrating with us on the good days. Everyone you know and love is affected by your illness and we all will lift you up in prayer and keep you there. We look forward to the day when you can say - AHA I knew it Thank you God for healing me!
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